Labor goes best when the hormones of labor are working well. And the hormones of labor are optimized when people get out of their heads and fully into the primal space that we call “labor land.” Too much thinking and analyzing can reduce oxytocin, and slow down or complicate your labor. We want you in a state of flow, and thinking about timing each and every contraction is not a helpful way to get there.

If someone else is timing the contractions for you, they aren’t giving you their best. Whether it’s your partner or your doula, they are thinking about when to press that button on their phone at the beginning and end of every contraction. I’d rather those people be giving you their full attention and presence, ready to support you in exactly the way you need at each moment, and not so much focused on when to hit that button. It can be surprisingly tough to tell exactly when a contraction begins and ends, and even if you’re not bothering the person in labor to fill you in, you are using a fair amount of brain space to do this. (Doulas, I know you are good at multitasking, but the next time you’re truly, fully present with someone in labor, think about how different that is compared to when you’re also timing. Even for the best multitaskers, divided attention is still divided. The energy you’re putting out is different — and remember that oxytocin is contagious, our calm can boost our clients’ calm.)

You know how easy it is to be lured away by the siren song of a favorite app, or to be drawn into a text that’s coming in. How about 40 texts from people who are just sooooo excited and want to know what’s happening and is the baby here yet? Maybe you should just take a quick peek at Instagram, maybe it will help sooth you (nope, it will likely just take your focus external instead of internal, where it should be for great labor progress). If you’re on your phone, you’re accessible to everyone, and everything is accessible to you. That’s not great for labor, whether you’re the one giving birth or offering support.

When I arrive at births as a doula, sometimes the birth partner (often a dad who happens to be an engineer or accountant) wants to scroll me through a long list of every contraction that their partner has had over the last many hours. I nod approvingly and try to look very impressed, smiling at all the little changes they want to point out. (“See this big one she had here?”) But really, what I want to take note of when I arrive is how hard my client is working. What are the sounds like? How’s her demeanor between contractions? Is the parent dropping to their knees as the force of the contraction makes major change, or is it more like breathing lightly through mild surges? That tells me so much more than a contraction timer — usually the way someone looks and sounds is everything I need to know, with contraction timing as an added side note.

First of all, not everyone is having a hospital birth. Second, timing is an unreliable indicator of where someone is in labor and therefore, of when they should go to the hospital or birth center, or when they should ask their midwife to come for a home birth. I know people like the precision of timing rules. “Come in when the contractions are 3-1-1 for a first baby, or 5-1-1 for a second or later baby.” That is, come in when the contractions are five minutes apart, at least a minute long, for at least an hour. But someone can be having contractions that are five minutes apart but feel like strong menstrual cramps. There’s no reason that person needs to be at the hospital, but their contraction timer might be flashing and blinking and yelling in all caps that it’s time to go. On the flip side, I’ve seen clients with contraction that are seven minutes apart but completely rocking their world, and clearly bringing that baby very close. They need to be at their birth place, but the timer hasn’t even suggested it yet. On either side of the error here, you could wind up at the hospital and just a centimeter dilated, or you could wind up with a roadside baby. A doula is a better bet for reliably gauging where you are in labor, and a great childbirth class should have educated you on the signposts of active labor.